Raising teenage girls is quite a trip. You never know what kind of kid you are going to be getting when their feet hit the floor each morning. I am lucky enough to be blessed with two of these creatures, Toby 13 and Casey 11 . They are both great kids, but total opposites . Casey is my athlete, she takes to just about any sport she puts her mind to, and Toby well she is my student. That is not to say the Casey is not an amazing student because she is, or that Toby could be a great golfer …. this is more about where they find their self-worth.
I have always worried that if they put all their eggs into one basket, what happens if the basket breaks? What happens the first time Toby gets a B on her report card, or Casey doesn’t make the team. Does that make them less amazing? In reality does that take away from their self-worth? In their eyes it sure does…… I have seen small glimpses of this. When Toby came home one week with 2 B’s on 2 different tests, I joked that I had to lock her windows, but I could see it on her face. The season that Casey had a horrible coach who kept her on the bench the majority of the season (we are talking 4th grade her people), she left the field so deflated.
I would try to take these opportunities to teach my girls that they are more than their grades or the sports they play. Just like I said above…. Casey is a smart kid, she gets great grades too and she needs to know that is also part of who she is. Just like she enjoys writing and making up silly dances, she is more than just a soccer player. Toby…. is finding out that she does enjoy a sport, golf (her dad is beyond happy) , and getting excited about the prospect of getting really good. She also enjoys creating art projects and loves digging into a good book. Again, she is more than a good student.
As I mom I can see how important it is that my girls are well-rounded and know that they are more than just that one thing……
So why is it so hard for me to listen to my own advice? Why is it so hard for me to comprehend that I am more than what I do. There is a big change happening in my life, and I am super excited (and even more sacred) but there is a chance I will not be teaching as much as I do now. That thought is actually keeping me up at night. It has me so worried……. psycho worried.
How will people look at me, what will they say, will I still be as good as I am now…… who will I become?
I spew this advice to my girls all the time and can not grasp why they roll their eyes and continue to cry into their pillows. This shit is tough, it is crazy hard to just leave one part of you. A part you really love. A part that is not bad or unhealthy.
How do you make yourself a better person by letting go ?
Am I moving toward what I am supposed to be, or am I leaving behind what I was always meant to be?
I know in my heart of hearts that it will all be ok, but my mind is not listening to my heart . My mind is stuck on the “right now” not on the road ahead.
I guess right now all I can do is let go of what I can not control and keep taking deep breaths. I am not one that is full of self-confidence, it comes very hard to me, but I learned over the years that I am good at what I do and I that I will continue to it. I love it!!!
Change is hard…. but if you don’t change direction you may end up right where you started!!