Failure is a good thing?

Yes you heard me right… failure is a good thing… sometimes.

What does a good failure look like?
Why do we want our kids to fail?
What can they learn from this failure?

When you have really worked your tushie off and you now you have given your all and it just does not want to go! That is when you sit down look at what you did, what went wrong and also what went right ( silver linings baby) Pay very close attention to both of these things and see where they meet. What can you learn from this, why do you think all went south. Every time you fall is a chance to pick yourself up off the ground. We rarely want our kids to feel the pain of failure but what happens if they never do? You will not always be there for them and when that first big crash happens you may not be able to teach them how to dust themselves off and get back in the game , this is a learned skill and a very important one. kids need to know that life is full of U turns and just like when you are driving when you hit a dead end or a U turn you have to either put it in reverse or chance the direction you are going. That does not mean you do not reach your destination it just may take a little longer to get there. Sometime the scenery on the new route is AMAZING and sometimes the new destination is much better than the one you intended to reach. But If you don’t let you kids learn this lesson on the short road trips they will get super lost on the long ones and maybe just give up and pull over on the side of the road! This is when one of my favorite quotes comes to mind… ” What if I fall?? Oh, but my darling what if you fly? ” Think for a minute , if you had been able to ” fall” more when you were younger…. how much earlier would you “fly”? Would you be living your passion … would you actually know your passion? Falling is a skill, a life skill that needs to be taught just like manners and making your bed.

Help you kids ” Find their Awesome”

on our way

As i said in the last post lots has changed…. and that being work. It was time for a fresh start, something new. Time to follow my passion….. I have a love for the fitness industry and as my girls have grown I noticed that there was nothing there for them. Yes there were options for either young kids ( don’t get me wrong this is still very important) or you were tossing these kids ages 12-16 in adult classes. This is not ok for may reasons…..their bodies are not fully developed and most of the time the instructors are not educated on how young bodies work. Too easy for them to get hurt or even worse listen to all the adults body bash themselves. Also their minds are not ready to hear what adults use as inspiration …. they hear it as either yelling or ” oh crap I can’t keep up” Either way while this is meant to be a healthy environment for adults but not so much for youth.

As an instructor I have always tried to motivate my students by making them believe in themselves ….. making them work harder not just for me but for themselves. So why not translate this for youth. Why should they not have the same benefits as the adults? They are just as worthy and in some cases need it more, it is so hard for kids now a days. There is so much coming at them from the media, their friends, teachers , coaches , parents and finally themselves. Must be stronger, faster, prettier, smarter, thinner….. and the list goes on and on!

Can you imagine this, it was hard when we were growing up but nothing like this. I am sure on some level they know that a lot of this should just be white noise but really their brains are like ” crap I have to keep up!!” how do I keep up?

There needs to be an environment that makes them strong inside and out. So ROAR was born….. I was a little selfish in the creation I wanted something for my girls and their friends where they could get a good safe workout.

The idea grew from that, adding nutrition seemed that a natural idea, but basic, like what is the difference between a serving size and a portion ( I have adult friends who don’t even know this) also dealing with mindful eating and emotional eating.

When these things start to come into play self confidence seems to fall right into place. When they have knowledge and inner and outer strength the image in the mirror starts to shift…. and all those ” white noises” start to fade a little and if not fade well at least they can stay strong and know a little better that it is not all true.

The newest addition to the ROAR platform has been goal coaching ( I like to call it passion finding ) I have heard from many other adults that kids this age can’t see that far into the future, they can’t really see past the weekend. Well where do you think you would be right now if you had started looking ( or nurturing ) your passion at a much younger age. Or if you had learned that failure is not always something bad but to see it as a sign or a turn helping you find your way. There are so many lessons to be learned from not only picking yourself up from a failure but figuring out why you failed and maybe which way to head on your journey. OR where would you have been if you had created a road map to help you …. would you have gone to the school you ended up at because you thought maybe finance was your passion when it was really marketing or education.
This awesome tool is not only for the adults….. lets give the youth the opportunity to set up a road map. Just teach them that on any good map there are dead ends and u turns. We just have to be prepared for them.

As for me , if I had had a road map even 6 years ago, I would probably be at Chapter 20 instead of Chapter 2….. but thank goodness I found my passion and hope to inspire our kids to ROAR their AWESOME .

Is this a “good” mirror?

Sooo Hello again, sorry I have been away for so long.  Lots going on here.. closed a business ( sad to lock the doors on bFit but it was time) started a new business , so excited about ROAR workout, I will fill you in on that later, needless to say I have been a little preoccupied.

 

But back to topic on hand,  ” is this a good mirror” yes those words did come out of a 17 year old in my class the other day.  I started to tell here that all mirrors are a little crazy but stopped myself because I realized a few things…

1) there was no way this teen was going to hear what I had to say at this time in this setting.  She has probably been listening to her mom or her friends for the last how many years ” good mirror, bad mirror, fat mirror , skinny mirror”… I am also sure she has heard  ” oh you look great don’t worry about the mirror ” more times than she can count.

2) that same comment comes out of at least 1 adult every class I teach! Why should she be different?

3)and most importantly I am guilty as charged.  I also find the best mirror in the room and teach from  some days.  There are times when  it is very hard to love every inch of me, I workout hard ( it is my job and my passion ) and eat pretty clean … but this is a rough business I am in (I must admit I feel judged often)  and try as I may I will never look like a lean ripped Oxygen cover girl.  Some days I am cool with it others not so much.

But the biggest thing I realized in that moment is that the younger girls in my class have NEVER said anything about the “clown” mirrors!! The move they sweat and they laugh….. they hardly judge!

Is that because of their age? their friends? their parents? or are they really just using the mirror to do what it is meant to do ….. reflect.

I work hard with these young girls to teach them that everybody is different,  they will never look like their friend they are working out next too but that is the amazing part.

I try to teach them that the things they may find as faults are really blessings!! Their legs are a little larger , well look at how much faster you can sprint .  They have freckles… it brightens their faces and makes them look happy all the time!   Always try to find a positive spin .. always! Never a negative!

To be honest I learned this from my girls… one day we were talking about one of their friends who does not like herself at all and they could not understand why somebody would not love every inch of what they got!!  Smart girls…. it makes me so proud that they can see that !

I took a workout break from writing this post,  and happened upon this little video, could not have been more perfect!  So true, so strong …. brought me to tears.

Give our girls the tools to see how strong, amazing, beautiful and AWESOME they are in those “good” mirrors!

#findyourawesome today and share away!! There is more where that came from

xoxoxox

 

 

Listening to my own advice.

advice

Raising teenage girls is quite a trip.  You never know what kind of kid you are going to be getting when their feet hit the floor each morning.  I am lucky enough to be blessed with two of these creatures, Toby 13 and Casey 11 .  They are both great kids, but total opposites .  Casey is my athlete, she takes to just about any sport she puts her mind to, and Toby well she is my student.  That is not to say the Casey is not an amazing student because she is, or that Toby could be a great golfer …. this is more about where they find their self-worth.

I have always worried that if they put all their eggs into one basket, what happens if the basket breaks?  What happens the first time Toby gets a B on her report card, or Casey doesn’t make the team.  Does that make them less amazing?  In reality does that take away from their self-worth? In their eyes it sure does…… I have seen small glimpses of this.  When Toby came home one week with 2 B’s on 2 different tests, I joked that I had to lock her windows,  but I could see it on her face.  The season that Casey had a horrible coach who kept her on the bench the majority of the season (we are talking 4th grade her people), she left the field so deflated.

I would try to take these opportunities to teach my girls that they are more than their grades or the sports they play.  Just like I said above…. Casey is a smart kid, she gets great grades too and she needs to know that is also part of who she is.  Just like she enjoys writing and making up silly dances, she is more than just a soccer player.  Toby…. is finding out that she does enjoy a sport, golf (her dad is beyond happy) , and getting excited about the prospect of getting really good.  She also enjoys creating art projects and loves digging into a good book.  Again, she is more than a good student.

As I mom I can see how important it is that my girls are well-rounded and know that they are more than just that one thing……

So why is it so hard for me to listen to my own advice?  Why is it so hard for me to comprehend that I am more than what I do.  There is a big change happening in my life, and I am super excited (and even more sacred) but there is a chance I will not be teaching as much as I do now.  That thought is actually keeping me up at night.  It has me so worried……. psycho worried.

How will people look at me, what will they say, will I still be as good as I am now…… who will I become?

I spew this advice to my girls all the time and can not grasp why they roll their eyes and continue to cry into their pillows.  This shit is tough,  it is crazy hard to just leave one part of you.  A part you really love.  A part that is not bad or unhealthy.

How do you make yourself a better person by letting go ?

Am I moving toward what I am supposed to be, or am I leaving behind what I was always meant to be?

I know in my heart of hearts that it will all be ok, but my mind is not listening to my heart .  My mind is stuck on the “right now”  not on the road ahead.

I guess right now all I can do is let go of what I can not control and keep taking deep breaths.  I am not one that is full of self-confidence, it comes very hard to me, but I learned over the years that I am good at what I do and I that I will continue to it.  I love it!!!

Change is hard…. but if you don’t change direction you may end up right where you started!!

xoxoxoxo

 

What makes you beautiful?

So I am sure by now we all know about how Target pulled all its swim suit adds due to the photoshoping of the pics.  It is following on the heels of Aerie’s statement to on longer use photoshop.

While training one of my clients the other day we were talking about all these things and she made the comment that she wished it all would stop.  Hoping the media would just leave us all alone.  That got me to thinking….

The concept of what is beautiful (and thus making the statement of what is not) has been around for ages and ages, and people have been busting their humps to try to achieve it. Think back in time…. to every century, every decade. There were corsets, big huge afro, Twiggy  , pin straight hair , bound feet the list goes on and on and on.  There was a time when being “full-figured” was a sign of wealth.  This idea of what is considered desirable and what is not is nothing new…. thigh gap , bikini bridge tho much more dangerous to try to achieve, is nothing new.  People trying to achieve it also nothing new , even if it was unhealthy and not in their genetic make-up to get there.

Let me make myself clear, the media is not helping the situation and really the need to get a clue and back off, but really what needs to happen is we need to change the way we feel about ourselves.

Why is it we let what we are “told” is beautiful become what is truly beautiful to us.  We know damn well that every “body” is different (like a snowflake), so how can we all be expected to fit that mold.

Maybe the answer to ending all this craziness lies inside each of us.  Maybe if we really cared for ourselves more and really loved ourselves for all our flaws and all that makes us different and special these pieces of nonsense would not sneak in. We would look , listen and move on.  Just like the kid who always teased us and mom would say…” if you ignore her she will go away, she is looking for a reaction”

Just think if we saw these images and thought ” wow that’s pretty” , and that was it.  We did not make it our lives goal to  try to look like the models. Hello,  first off that ” model gene” is only given to about 5% of the whole world.    Here’s a thought that I am sure most have not had, how do those models who’s photos are getting touched up feel?  Hmmmm … probably pretty shitty , bet they are thinking that they are not good enough either.

I will say it again…. WAKE UP FULL OF AWESOME!! It is all about self-love, you are amazing flaws and all.  When our kids are little we want them to be different, be leaders.  When does that all change ?  When does it happen that all that matters is fitting in, looking like everybody else?

I learned a huge lesson the other day from Toby…. she said to me ” mom I realize I choose my friends because they are self-confident and can make their own decisions.  They know who they are and really don’t care what other people think”  Holy Crap!!!!  She so didn’t learn that from me but thank goodness she know that and knows who she is!! That is what I guess I am trying to say, if we all really knew who we were then all of this other crap would become white noise.

I know too many kids who are so beautiful and healthy,  and feeling so horrible about their bodies.  This is not the minority, sadly this the majority.  I wish there was a pair of super special glass that they could look thru and see the true “them”.  We need to be the “glasses” for our kids and ourselves, be kind , acknowledge their feelings – listen to them talk to them.  There is no right answer….. just love.

That being said the “white noise” has been around since the beginning of time so it is really not going away ( but it would be great if the media would back off and give it a rest).  Learn the joy of self-love!

Believe me I know it is so much easier said then done.  My mother always told me if it was easy it wasn’t worth it and we all worth it.  I still try to pull on the boyfriend jeans and they don’t hang on me like they do on others and I get bummed out, but I move on.  What can I do ??  I am pretty lucky that I have legs that work, and they can do some serious ass kicking a Tabata class!

I know I do not want to pass this self-hate down to the next generation….. they follow our lead.  So lets all take a page out of Toby’s book!! Rock on and remember you are full of AWESOME!!

xoxoxox, your skinny genes

Teen Topics…Till Next Time

Hey so it’s Toby again, and this time, I wanted to write about self-image.  So my sister became completely addicted to the show Glee.  I started to sit down and watch some episodes with her, and they are not all just drama and such, there are also a bunch of lessons that I learned everyone now and then.

There was one episode specifically about self-image.  I can give you a bit of a back story on the show…so the guidance counselor in the school was diagnosed with OCD, and the Glee Club teacher realized that everyone had things about themselves that they didn’t like, so he made a decision.  He decided that the song the club would sing would be “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga, and they all wore white shirts.  Each shirt said something that the person saw badly about themselves.  One may have been their nose, if they thought they were stupid, their lips, etc.  It was really interesting for me to see this, because everyone has imperfections themselves, and the Glee Club was able to put their imperfections on their shirts and not change those things about themselves.

I thought that was an awesome message, because everyone goes through things like that everyday when they wake up and look at themselves in the mirror.  Everyone, including me, will wake up and see or think something about themselves, even if you would never think it about someone else, because it’s you, and you want to be the best self you can be.  It’s really hard to overcome those things about yourself, but I think it is achievable.  I know that it is tough to stop thinking about those harsh things you see in yourself, but there is a way.

Try to focus on the good, and if you emphasize that about yourself, it could be easier to forget about the negative features that you may see in yourself.  You still don’t want to forget about those special things about yourself, though, because they are what makes you individual compared to others, and that’s why you don’t want to change those things about yourself, either.  These features individualize you, and make you special compared to other people.

I, and hopefully you, along with our other past goal, will try to focus less on bad self-image, and more on the good in ourselves, but also realize that the bad is special, too .

Love you lots,

Toby

Spring into action !

springAh so I am totally hoping spring is on its way!!! It is a long time coming and so desperately  needed!  I love spring, aside from all the snow melting and the sun shining, it is a time of rebirth.   Everything’s true colors start to show and all the grey shakes off.

That is kind of how I feel internally at this time….. time to shake off all the grey.  Time to find your true colors. I have always been a list person, sometimes my lists have their own lists.  I think it is a great way to have tabs on what is going on and what has to get done.  You tend to forget less when you have it written down (unless you lose your list and I have done that many a times).

So my thought for this new spring season is why not make some lists to help shake out the old and help direct you to your true colors.

Here are 10 questions that you can give 5 answers to, maybe you will finally muster up the courage to tackle something you have wanted to do for years, maybe you will discover something new you had no idea you wanted and maybe you will fall a little deeper in love with yourself and your life:

1) Write down 5 goals, doesn’t matter the size or time it will take , and then why these are your goals

2) Write down 5 things you LOVE about yourself, and why .

3) Write down 5 things that kind of bum you about you, and why

4) Write down 5 foods you have always wanted to try.

5) Write down 5 activities you have always wanted to try (cooking class, new fitness class, art class , karaoke )

6) Go back to question #1 and write down 5 ways to start to work towards those goals

7) Go back to question #3 and write down ways that you can learn to love the things that bum you out

8) Write down 5 things you would like to do for somebody else

9) If  you won $200.000 in the lottery how would you spend it ( 5 things can’t save or give to other peeps all for you and your fam!)

10) This spring list 5 things you would like to do to wake up the space you live in.

Woohaaa… totally overwhelming right.  I know tons and tons of info, so what do you do with it!  The beauty of this is you can do whatever you want.

Step back and look at the lists, what are they telling you, what do you see…… then decide what you want to do with all your beautiful new information.  Did you learn anything new about you?

You may not want to tackle this just now, so stick in the drawer and check back in a few.  Maybe you take one answer from one question each week , try it on see how it fits and then move on.  Or maybe you are looking for a big change and this has pointed you on your new road.

Whatever it is… it is your journey and you get to decide.  Just promise me you will not waste all that you have to offer!!! Go out and show the world just how AWESOME you woke up today!!

xoxoxox , your skinny genes